My Own Kind Of Paradise

“I have always imagined that Paradise
will be a kind of library.” – Jorge Luis Borges

Heaven has a library…

It all started back when I was in my elementary years. While waiting for my parents to pick me up at school, I always end up waiting for them at our school libraries. It’s the place where I can be comfortable enjoying even if its I am only by myself. In this place is where I can have countless adventures and creating my own fantasy world. Ignoring the time and the people around me, I am in my own little paradise.

Browsing in libraries and bookstores are one of my hobbies. I think I can spend a whole day in those places just browsing and reading different kinds of books. I believe there is hidden treasure somewhere in those pile of books. I am always looking
and searching, different kind of novels with different kind of genre. Sometimes I am looking for the classics, from children’s book classics to romance novel, I just have this huge attachment to anything that pertains to something classical cause I feel
there’s a certain magic in those books.

Aside from reading and browsing books, I also like collecting them. I like the feeling in my own place to be surrounded by books, it feels like I have a companion just waiting to for their cure to tell their own stories. Not only that those books fills up the empty wall with their different designs and stories. Often times I just sit in front of them
wondering which book to read or simply trying to tell myself the stories on each of those books, which is kinda hard but I have my favorite one.

I am not obssessed with books, I just love them and sometimes when you love something its hard to explain. Its hard to explain  why I would rather choose to read hardbound books rather than just reading the movie adaption from that novel. Whenever someone asks me why I like to read books, its hard to find the answer
that fits the question maybe because there is no appropriate answer when it something you love.

For a bookworm like me, my place of solitude and relaxation is a place filled with books. It’s my own little world, my own little fantasy, and adventure, mostly it’s my own little paradise.

Here’s my list of my favorite books that turned into a movie or a TV series adaptation, I read and watch both.

  1. Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit
  2. Harry Potter
  3. The Fault in Our Stars
  4. Maze Runner Trilogy
  5. Game of Thrones
  6. Heroes of Olympus – The Series
  7. Narnia – Novel Series
  8. Time Travelers Wife
  9. Pride and Prejudice
  10. Les Miserables – Abridged Version

Letters of Hope – Then & Now

The things that happened in the past is one of the reason that what makes up to who we are today. What happens in the past can give us hope to our present
day and current situation.

Remember we have a saying, “History repeats itself”. That is why we need to learn and understand the past events. From what happened to our past gives us this
current present but it also gives hope to others.

The letters that I found few years ago, it’s from my father to my mother. Hand written in a paper during the late 80’s and the early 90’s. my father was at Singapore during that year and I was just a little baby back then.

They were going thru tough times, financial wasn’t easy and they were just starting to get back on their feet after a fire at our old house. Yeah, it was that though
but still through my father’s word of wisdom of encouragement and my mother’s strength they manage to go thru it together.

They had their own hardship and trials that is unknown to me. When I read those letters I finally understands and realize what makes them who they are now. Strong, Resilient,  Adaptable and most of all Hopeful. No matter how many times they got disappointment and rejections in facing their problems, that is one that they didn’t lost to Hope and to Believe for the better tomorrow.

I gotta thank them because the fires that they go through together make who I am today. Now, I have my own seas and fires to cross but the letters and lessons
from the past give me hope for tomorrow. Maybe someday this will also be a happy story for others.

What Love Is – Love is to Believe

1 Corinthians 13:7 “…Believeth all things…”
Mental Hospital when we hear that word several words came across our minds like, “crazy”, “scary”,  “unstable”,  “weird” and many more. We immediately relate it to the horror movies that we watch that relates to the Mental Hospital or person with mental illness. As time goes on  people became afraid of that two words and all they can see are the negatives based on those horror movies that they watched. Judging immediately that all that matters to them is to hurt others or to do the unexplainable behavior.

They may be hard to understand and all kinds of questions will come to our minds. What happened to them? What had they done to be like that? Will they ever be back to normal? Does someone still love them? Does someone still care even if they’re lost?
When to think more about it, maybe our point of view about them will change instead of being afraid or avoiding them we should really try our best to understand them.

When we look closely at what is inside that hospital are people who are lost. They are lost  inside themselves, lost within the cage of their minds torn between wanting to be free or stay in the safety of their own world. They are those who experience the most in all of us, the saddest story, the most tragic event, the most traumatic accident because of those it’s hard for them to cope up with the reality so they close everything within them. Try looking deeply at  their eyes and try to understand is their silent words of pleas for help. words that they can’t, words that they’re afraid to tell and all they can do is to shout words that even they can’t understand. Listen to their cries of help, understand their silent plea and we will realize their’s nothing to be afraid of them they’re just lost and afraid. They are the ones who needed the most care, the most understanding and the most love.

Love is to be able to believe in a person, to believe that he will come back. To believe against all possibilities that he will return no matter how long it will take. Love is more than just the romance because love is more than just that because love is to care another person. Love is to give it freely not expecting any return. Love is to be able to understand no matter how hard  it is. Love can be shown trough our action especially when we learn to care, to give, to  understand to another person even though they may not understand, they may not know or they may not give back.

To those people who are lost sometimes they just need someone who believes in them. Just like us we all needed someone who believes in us and supports us. Give it to them it may not work but at least, they have one person to believes in.

“Till Death Do Us Part”

They met during WW2, he was a soldier while she was a village girl. In one of his
mission they met accidentally, in an unlikely place, in an expected situation where
their love story began.

They got married and had children of their own. They had their differences but still
that doesn’t them from loving each other wholeheartedly. Even though he’s a soldier
but he had a gentle heart and calm spirit. She’s a strong lady with a
strong will and an outspoken mind who still believes in superstitions. Both of them
holds a spirit of understanding and a fighting spirit. They can take on any
challenges as the two of them stays together.

He shares stories to his children about his experience as a soldier. She also teach
them how to work and to do their best. They both teach their children to dream and to
conquer challenges, to be strong and to have good manners. Some days may be good,
other days may be bad but still they stick together through thick and thin.

They love their grandchildren, ready to spoil them with gifts, foods and love. Taking
caring of them when their parents are busy, telling them stories which add more
every day. It maybe simple but it’s their whole life, their whole love willing given
to each and everyone dear to them.

They stay together “till death do us part” when she died due to a heart attack he slowly starts to change. He missed her so much, his companion, friend, and partner. She understands
him and encourages him, even if it’s in a funny sort of way. Now that she’s gone he felt alone, even if there’s his family, his children, and grandchildren. Still, no one can take care her place. Her last word to her children was, “Please take care of your father.” Even in her dying bed, she still thinks about his tomorrow without her. She wants him to be taken care of, maybe not like she does but still she wants him to happy and well.

A year after her death that he was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, he constantly forgot about things. Where he was, who are they and often think about his past, their past. His mind would go back to his younger, teenage, adult self-remembering what he had before but never stayed in the present. Sometimes he would act like a 5-year-old child, other times a mischievous teenager and sometimes a traveling adult. Always changing from day to day.
Always about the past but not here in the present.

He was taken care of by his family, he wasn’t put in a nursing home as their promise to their mother. Even though he became very forgetful some things he didn’t forget, his manners, he always says thank you when food had been given to him or an act of kindness of had done to me there’s always that  word Thank you. In his remaining days, he was well loved and take care of. After 5 years he passed away and finally be able to be with her again. Tears were shed but most of it were filled with smiles and talks about their love for each other. After their long

In his remaining days, he was well loved and take care of. After 5 years he passed away and finally be able to be with her again. Tears were shed but most of it were filled with smiles and talks about their love for each other. After their long
journey together they finally have their happily ever after.

That’s my grandparents love story, it makes me smile every time I hear it. It’s real and
it’s true and It shows how love should be.

What LOVE is – Love is Patient, Love is Kind

It’s that time of year again, February that we all celebrated as love month. Where you can see decorated hearts everywhere, Chocolates are being given and sweet lovers all around. That’s what majority of people see about love, showing sweet emotions to each other’s. It’s a sad thing when we limit what is Love because in it’s truest and purest sense Love is more than just that.

In the Bible we have the perfect definition of what is love. Love is more than just words it needs action. “Love is not a noun to be defined a but a verb.”

For this love month, I will post what is love from the Bible’s definition in 1 Corinthians 13

Here’s the first one – Love is Patient, Love is kind.

We all hear stories about how grandparents are being put into a home by their families. It’s a practical solution, especially in today’s busy world. In our family, that is not the case which I am very thankful for. Since all of my aunts and uncles agreed not to send him to a nursing home or hire someone to take care of him. when my grandfather who is 90 yrs old about that time, we return back to our old house in town because of that we’re the one who took care of him.

We renovated the room where my grandfather will stay, dad constructed a new bathroom inside that room that would be convenient for him and we painted the room to give it a fresh atmosphere. My parents gave us a heads up on what we expect when grandfather would move in with us.

Grandfather had Alzheimer’s but his overall health is fine, his eyesight back then is even better than mine; he can still read without any eyeglasses. Here’s the challenge in taking care of grandpa, we need to be really really really be patience especially with his forgetfulness and his different actions. Some days he would act like a 5 years old child and most days he would act in his young teenage years pulling mischief around the house. Somedays he would be in his young adult years always on the verge of wanting to leave the house and go somewhere he used to visit in his youth.

Here’s our daily routine I woke him up for breakfast, help him get out of bed since he had trouble standing up on his own and he will ALWAYS say thank you after that. After eating his breakfast give him his medicine. He will either watch tv in the morning or go back to sleep, sometimes he watch people in front of our house often times when he does that he’s saying something about those passersby, we know because he’s always shouting when he does that. when he’s in the mood to exercise he would run around the house.

Overall we were happy that grandpa is living here with us and with that we got the chance to know more about him. Not all days were easy and fun because some days it requires a lot of patience especially in taking care of someone you love.We need to be patient when he eats, sometimes he can be messy and slow. We need to be patient in cleaning his room. We need to be patient when asking him to stop shouting at the passersby. we need to be patient when he’s teasing all of us or when he’s
making a mess around the house. Despite all of those things that he did, we still love him and respect him.

When there are days that I really need my patient, I always think back in the days when I was a baby and he’s the one who take care of me. My father was abroad and my mom was busy at our little ice cream shop, so I am left in the care of my grandparents. I know taking care of a baby is not that easy, I
also became a full-time nanny taking care of my 5-month-old nephew back then. I always remind myself when I am having a hard time taking care of my grandfather, back in the days when he’s having a hard time putting me to sleep, back in the days when I am being messy while feeding me.

To love someone is more than reciprocating them the feeling, it’s giving, doing and acting for that person’s sake. Like what grandpa did to me many years ago having the patience to take care of me it’s more than a responsibility it’s his love towards his granddaughter. The same thing goes for me it’s not only my responsibility, it’s my love towards my grandpa.

Be patient to show that you love someone. Especially to the elderly please, give them the patience, love and respect that they deserve, remember someday you will be one too.

From Me to You

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Others might think that it’s just one of those days, wanting to be alone and feeling a little
bit blue. It might be to them that you are just sad, or you came to the point of asking
yourself what it the meaning of life? It maybe just that you really are not in the mood so they left you alone to think and to heal. The truth is you don’t want to be alone, you want to be with them so you pretend that you are fine and back to yourself. The truth is you are not, you are just hiding the real pain inside you.

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HI. Dy

I don’t know how to address this letter to you and I also don’t know how to say things
I am going to write here. You need to hear this and I need to tell you these things. Just please read this letter and you will understand what I mean.

You might think that by his moment we hate you or mad at you, no, we don’t hate you.
Just because we stop talking to you and our conversation is different from before means  that we hate you. Just because that we get silent in the middle of a conversation when you suddenly came in. like we are having a secret behind you means that we are mad at you. Just because we avoid you most of the time means that we don’t love you anymore. It just means that something is wrong and we don’t know how to tell it to you.

This is harder than I thought.Sometimes when we are sad or afraid our minds have a defense mechanism it creates another reality for us to cope up with the depressing events that is happening around us. If these events in our life are not confronted properly we start to overthink about those things and we started to get lost of what really is happening.

I know we’ve been through a series of disappointment and trials. These past few years I know it’s a struggle but despite all of that happened we are fine. You might not see it but every day there are a lot to be thankful for, there’s so much to be happy about and not to dwell on those sad situations. You told me once, “Every cloud has a silver lining.”
You’re right because even though it may be far away but still I can see that silver lining.
I also want you to see it and get out of the cloud away from the reality.

I want you to have that courage to believe again that things will be great. I want you to
have patience because success cannot be rushed. I want you to trust us on our plans and  I really assure that it will be our big break. Please just stop worrying too much, I know your scared even though you don’t want to admit it. I know your sad even though you don’t want us to see it. So, you’re hiding it all your real emotions and even hiding to other people as well. That makes us sad because we don’t know what to tell you to make it better  because you don’t see that something is wrong within you.

You’ve been there always for us, guiding us and giving us words of encouragement we got discouraged. Now it’s our chance to return the favor, we want to guide you out of the cloud of fear and discouragement. We want to encourage you and remove your fears and  anxiety. We just want to let you know that we are here you don’t need to hide away from us.

I know it wasn’t easy going through this, you often think that no one understands you but
we do. We really do understand you but it’s hard to talk to you these days with the
unnecessary burst of anger or the silent of your fear. That is why I am writing this to
you that the words we can’t say to you will be heard when you read this letter.

One last thing, just to let you know all of us your family and friends really love you and
will be here when you need someone.
Lovingly yours, Z
To someone dear to me who is at lost right now.

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Depression is not the same as sadness or those blue moods. It’s a mental illness and it can affect the person’s physical body when the person is not helped immediately. They are broken inside, lost interest in things, cannot pull himself together to get better. They need treatment to help them get better but the most important thing is to let them know that they are not alone.  From me to you I will be here by your side.

Little Battles

Everybody has a story to tell and each individual’s stories are different from the other. That makes life interesting because everybody can share their different experiences apart from what already had been said. Each person stories can motivate or given inspiration to others because every story has struggles that overcome and battles that wins.

So here is one of those stories, that somethings can be overcome. Each of us has our little battles to win.

It was in one of our English classes during my  first year at our local college. We were discussing something about our life experiences and  obviously we need to talk in front and share our story. On that class, one of my close friend and classmates share her story and it’s a very touching one too. She stood in front of the class a little bit shy and a little bit wanting to tell her story.

So, here’s her story.

The hospital is one of the most avoided places of everyone, negative words came to our minds whenever we think about that place Hospital. It means sickness, pain and death well that’s pretty deep but on the other side there’s also wellness and recovery. On my part, it’s both sad and hopeful. I was nine back then it all started with a typhoid fever.I was checked in at the hospital at the children’s ward and my condition is not  getting any good.

I am the eldest among my two siblings who is both boys but back then I am the only child. We  lived in the city back then and things were going fine to a nine-year-old girl’s mind. We were living comfortably, even if our budget is tight that is until I got sick.

It started with a fever like any normal fever but still I am not feeling well. Then things started to go worse, rather than the normal headaches and pain I’ve got additional diarrhea, my thermometer picks up to 104 degrees take note Fahrenheit and I are being lethargic.Then it started to  get worse that was when my parents decided to check me in the hospital.

Name: Ma. Fe Sajonia
Diagnosis: Typhoid Fever with intestinal perforation

Treatment: By antibiotics to remove the bacteria from the blood stream.

To most cases that treatment works and after a few weeks  they are on the way of recovery but sadly for me it didn’t. After a few week of antibiotics, my body’s reaction was different, it got complicated. The most common for kids was an intestinal perforation or in simple terms, I had a hole in my intestines. It also affects my body organ like my heart and liver.

From there everything became a blur like I am not in my own body anymore. I hear doctor’s voices and nurses injecting me with medicine taking my stats, but all I want to do is to  sleep for me to forget the pain.

I woke up and I was in the hospital again, I’ve got fluids attach  to me. To a nine-year-old child it all felt scary and like any normal person, no one likes to be in the hospital. That is where things started to go bad for us especially to my parents. I knew that I will be staying in the hospital much longer but still I often ask the question “When will I go home?”.
I am in a children’s ward so that helps seeing kids with my age who is also sick like me, it helps to ease the fear. Like I am not the only who is stuck in the hospital although some of them were going home ahead of me, still I keep it in the positive note that I would go home too. Even if I can still feel the pain, even if I am attached to a machine, even if doctors and nurses checking in on me more frequently.

As I am battling for my complications my parents have another the battle to conquer fundraising for me and my medical bills. Aside from taking care of me in the hospital, they were also looking for ways to support my medical needs. We were having a tight budget back before I wasn’t in the hospital, now it gotten much worse but my parents try to hide it. They just want me to be healthy again away from the confinement of the hospital. They asked various organization and the government to ask for money to help my medical bills.

Determination and love were what my parents have that they able to do those things for me. Asking for me is not easy because often time my mother found herself crying in the hospital. I feel sad and a little bit guilty.

As I continue to fight even if my condition is not that promising, I still did for my parents whose is working hard for their only little girl. It was hard yet I must get well. It was one of those moments, unexpectedly I was slipping down I may not notice it, but the doctors did. Yet, when I open my eyes I felt like I was only sleeping and my attending nurses are so happy to see me awake. She told me that while I was sleeping one of the patients also a little girl passed away even though her condition is much better than mine.
After surviving those moments things started to go well, it was like a test of  survival and I think I passed it.

After weeks of staying in the hospital after my hard moment, I can finally go home. First the doctor checked in on us concerning my health status. Despite winning my battle, there was still drawbacks mainly to my heart. It shrinks to it’s normal size which is not so good news, that leads to the list of things I needed to avoid. Also due to the medicine and my complication physical changes can be seen. my hair It used to be straight but now for some weird reason it turned out to be curly or kinky. I shouldn’t be the one to complain other got worse.

My parents fundraising went well and the government paid my medical bill which was a very good news. It’s time for us to start again and I win my battle. I am just happy that I got an amazing parent who did anything for me.

After telling her story she was crying, well it can be understood the pain she went through is something hard but, what’s more, is being to live.

It wasn’t one of those stories we hear, there wasn’t much drama in it like we see in shows. Sometimes that’s just how  life worked out, winning the battle that life have given us.